A few thoughts...

I have not even had a chance to finish blogging about our trip to Mexico (or the many things that have happened this year) but here I am, wanting to mark down a few thoughts.

Today was a hard, very hard day. As I see friends around me beginning a challenge to find something they are grateful for every day until Thanksgiving and post it, I decided not to take on that challenge publicly. Now here I am wanting to express what I am grateful this day.

As I sit here in a quiet house, kids fast asleep and husband out playing soccer I sit listening to a song from Josh Groban that I haven't heard for awhile. I first heard it when we went to his concert last year and Aaron and I both fell in love with it. The music (and Josh's voice of course) are very moving and this particular verse is what struck me the most tonight:

"And there is a light from a higher window
Shining down on you tonight
And the music floats on the breeze
Bringing an easier time"

Parenting is Hard, I never expected it to be easy but today was particularly hard for many reasons. Aside everything hard and challenging it was still a beautiful day. I am so grateful for family, for the three children we have been blessed to have in our lives and under our care, for a hard working husband who provides so much for our family, for loving friends who support a hard day of mothering, for my fil who took hours out of his busy day to spend time with his grandchildren, for a mother of my own that is willing to take a late night phone call to just chat and help ease my stresses.

As I heard the chorus to this song I melted. There IS a LIGHT from a HIGHER window SHINING down on ME. As Aaron always says "We CAN do hard things", I must remember that! Today is but a small moment, and how did I endure? Well, I could have done much, much better. How did I react when the kids were fighting? Or when our 1 year old threw a train at me that cause my tooth to go through my lip? How did I control the situation when trying to give two hair cuts and baths etc when sister tries dunking younger brothers head in the water? These were very minor examples from today...

If today was my test, did I fail?   I guess we all need days like this to remind us what is most important. To look past what society feels is important and focus on what IS important. 
Am I teaching our children to respect, love and serve? Or are they learning to be greedy, rude, prideful and selfish? It is SO hard, but today has helped me to refocus my attentions, to try and speak calmer, more politely to them and help them (and myself) see things in a different light.

It is all a work in progress, if we didn't have trials how would we ever improve ourselves?
Our week long trip was never 'easy' but also never found a day like today filled with heart ache, disappointment and failure as a parent and child.  So here I am now trying to re evaluate my parenting and focusing on what I AM thankful for and what I should be MORE thankful for.