Joshua's Blue Belt Grading

Saturday 9th May I had the privileged of attending Josh's Blue Belt Grading.
It's a grading that lasts 2 hours and showcases all of those who have achieved and earned their new belts. Aaron usually attends but I was able to go this time and oh what a treat it was.

This would be the 5th belt Josh has earned since he began Kenpo in March 2014.
He has put so much time and effort into his two classes every week. I never knew anything about karate before now and never was too into it but Josh's involvement in it the past two years has been good for us all. It teaches such wonderful life communication skills as well as defense and respect.
We love to see Josh get passionate and working hard to achieve new levels.

We see a lot of his techniques and forms at home but to watch him in action and immediately react as they are called out is incredible. It wasn't until now how alert and attentive you have to be. We are all so proud of him.

See for yourself in the video below or at this link.

Real time challenges

I have to set some things straight as my last post may have given the impression that I have things under total control. That is not the case.

Every day has it challenges good and bad. With four kids it's very rare that it is ever quiet in the house. The most stressful time of day is after school pick up when all four kids seem to 'need' all my attention at the same time. Joseph is usually at his wildest, I think he gets so excited to have the older two home that he acts out in hopes of gaining their attention. It rarely ends up without screaming and fighting.

Today had a different kind of challenge at hand.

Aaron is our 'wake up call' in the morning but last night was suffering from what we think was food poisoning. Poor guy was up all night hugging the toilet and suffering horrendous stomach pains. He therefore slept in and stayed home from work completely exhausted.
I got up and made my rounds getting the kids out of bed for our regular routine.
This morning was a bit different because Rachael started school swim lessons today.

Rachael has a fear of the water, I am not sure when or how it began but I think her fear comes from the deep waters and her lack of confidence in it. She is fine on the beach when she is in control of the depth she reaches but not in a pool.

So as usual the house becomes a busy beehive first thing in the morning. Today we are running a bit behind because we got up a little later. Josh is surprisingly on fire as he is pumped and ready for the day. He is busting out his chores, makes his lunch and is all ready to go by 8:00 singing and humming along the way. By 8:15 he is out the door on his bike to meet his friend and ride to school.

Rachael is still struggling to get herself together, she's nervous about swimming.  Dressed, lunch made and bag packed but she doesn't want to eat and she has been to the toilet 3 or 4 times now. I realize it's anxiety. We talk, I try to calm her and help her get herself together. She speaks again about her fears and as we put on her swimming cap she looses it. It turned into this emotional crying and fearful mess for her.
Rachael is a very loving and happy child. She aims to please and it takes quite a lot to make her upset. Once she is upset however it is quite a task to calm her down. This was one of those times.

Usually Aaron saves the day when things like this happen (Rach has always been a daddy's girl) but he was more or less passed out in bed from his awful night.
She is muttering through her tears things like "I look awful in my swim cap, I don't want anyone to see me without glasses on because I look silly" "They will make me jump into the deep side"....
My heart breaks as she says these things.

Just this weekend we had the privilege of attending a devotional with Elder Bednar on marriage and family. Members would ask questions and he and his wife would answer them. It was so incredibly uplifting and not like anything i've experience before.

He spoke a lot about 'mirrors around us'. How our children are our mirrors and what we see in them is a reflection of ourselves, good and bad. He went on to explain how the things that irritate us about our children or spouses are usually things we have issues with ourselves.  I have not been able to get this out of my mind. It is helping me to change the way I act and react to the children. I am trying to pay more attention to what I say or don't say.

This mornings events brought all these feelings flooding in. Why would she not feel pretty without her glasses? Sure, she doesn't remember herself without them but she is nearly 6, this shouldn't be an issue yet right?!  I realize that I have said things about myself showing insecurities in my looks and how I feel about myself in front of her and realize I am staring in that mirror. I need to help her see herself differently.

Sister Bednar spoke about praying for DISCERNMENT.  Discernment to help teach our kids to see the potential they have in themselves. To see and understand WHO they really ARE. This comes through our interactions, discipline and through our own examples. She expressed how this helped her deal with hard situations when they arose at home. I cannot shake this from my mind either. It is SO real and so important yet why do I feel like this is all new to me? Discernment may be my new favorite word.

Through learning and significant struggles I was able to get Rachael into the car and off to school. We chatted and I tried my very hardest to show my support and love (regardless of how irritated I may have been at the time). She was so hesitant but as soon as we walked into her classroom it was like a light switch flipped. Rachael is an incredibly strong person and what I saw as she walked into her classroom completely amazed me. She immediately became confident and happy with the situation. I followed her as she put her bag away and began preparations to load onto the bus. She then asks me to help her put her cap on, no tears just smiles. WHAT?   Lined up and walking to the bus I can see she is thinking through some things. She looks at me and I realize she's trying to work out how she is going to quickly switch from her glasses to her goggles without anyone seeing her. She asks me to help her do the switch now and she will just wear the goggles on the bus. Oh dear!  I calmly explain that she can wear her glasses to the swimming pool and switch them there. She smiled and skipped off.

I was worried about how it would go but still had confidence she'd be ok. Joseph had a sporting class today so we couldn't go to the pool with her. Her best friends' mum, Seema, was going and said she would help Rachael and keep an eye on her.

When picking Rachael up from school I had 3 different mums tell me how incredibly organized Rachael was after swimming. They couldn't believe how well she can organize herself and follow directions. That made me so happy and other than a bit of exhaustion after school Rach was as happy as a songbird.

This was just a small bite into a HUGE day. Again, a glimpse into our lives here. 6 people, 6 different personalities and many many different struggles and learning paths.  I/we have SO much to LEARN.

On Monday Rachael received a "Star of the Week" award in front of the entire school for "always showing respect towards others and a great commitment to learning". She was stoked about it and so happy that both Aaron and I were there to see her get it.

Family Organization

Time is moving so quickly here in the Presbury home. I rarely have 'spare' time to do the things on my 'extra's lists but it's ok. Things are going very well.

My ambition for blogging is far beyond my reach at the moment. Its merely a thought in the back of my mind. However with a bit of free time i have tonight I wanted to document our every busy lives in  a post.

Since school started back up we have had an increasing need for more organization as a family. I never realized how important organization skills would be as a mom to have a functioning family.

My morning starts at 6am when I get up to get my own tasks done. Exercise, scripture study and preparing myself for the day take place in those 30 minutes. It is some of the only time I have on my own. However I am not always able to get up, sometimes I am SO exhausted I hit the snooze button a couple times.

6:30am Aaron begins his piano practice. He has started his fourth year of diligent practice and we decided it was best for him to do that in the morning. It works great as the 'wake up call' first thing in the morning.
In the 15 minutes as he practices the kids begin to emerge from their beds (keeping in mind that they were always up around 7 am on their own ).  They begin to get ready for the day, with specific tasks such as making bed, putting clothes away, getting dressed in school uniform and doing hair. I obviously engage and help where I am needed.
By 7am we gather at the kitchen table for scripture study. This new change has made it SO much easier. Trying to make scripture study happen at night was so much more challenging.
Afterwards we have family prayer and then the kids watch from the kitchen window as Aaron catches the bus.

We now have an hour before leaving for school. We prepare lunches, eat breakfast and the kids work on their 'chores'. Josh and Rachael unload the dishwasher together every morning. I LOVE it!
They have certain responsibilities each and every day and then a different assigned 'chore' to each day. Taking out the trash, vacuuming the stairs, cleaning bathroom mirrors, dusting tv, tidy bedrooms....
Their chores coincide with my house cleaning. Mondays are my main laundry days, Tuesday I focus on dusting and bathrooms, Wednesdays the house gets thoroughly vacuumed, Thursday is a deep kitchen clean and mopping and Fridays we each focus on our own bedrooms.  I like a clean house and this is how I do it without going crazy. It works for me.
I have a time limit on the cleaning each day, I could spend all day every day cleaning but have to limit myself and stay organized.

We have different weekly activities that we have to carefully plan in. Schooling is quite different here to Utah and preschool for Joseph was going to cost a fortune. Joseph is so incredibly athletic and energetic we thought it better to enroll him in some more physical activities and instead of preschool. I would dedicate 1-2 hours a day 'homeschooling' joseph instead. Not really homeschool but rather in house preschool.

Right now Joseph attends a Playball class tuesday mornings where he engages with other boys his age and learns a different sport each week. He loves it.
Thursday mornings he has tennis lessons and loves that too. He is quite fond of his Roger Federer racket.
He can count into the teens, knows his colors and shapes and has been writing his name the past month. He writes his name on everything. He has taken to drawing too and occasionally creates some pieces for me.  Joseph learned last week how to ride his peddle bike all by himself. He gets so excited to have a ride around our neighborhood lake (about 2.75km) and has been exhausted at the end of each day.

Josh is adjusting well, he doesn't speak about 'America' as much and is really loving school this year. He has a good group of friends and has a friend within a 10 minute bike ride from our house he likes to play with. He is obsessed with becoming a Pilot and loves watching these air crash investigation shows.  Josh attends tennis lessons on Mondays, Piano lessons on Tuesdays, Kenpo Karate on Wednesdays and Saturday mornings. Tennis has become a new passion since the Australian Open and he keeps asking about taking a second lesson.  He too has scored a nice Roger Federer racket.
I still can't believe he is 9 years old, he is growing up so fast.  I have to remind myself that he isn't a baby anymore and he has different needs to the younger ones. Its really fun to have one on ones with him. He looks forward to the times he can read aloud his books to me and share funny jokes or cool things he learned from school.

Rachael is quite the social butterfly at school. It is adorable to watch her friends come running to her just to say hi and give her a hug every morning at school. Rachael is a very happy person and LOVES school. She will put on a brave face when she is feeling sick in hopes that she won't have to miss school. Her artistic skills were scored two grade levels higher last year. She is always creating or drawing some new masterpiece. Her latest project was a 3d house she made out of construction paper.
Rachael's character is still blooming, she has the tendency to easily shut down if she's feeling discouraged or inadequate, yet she is always trying to please you. She is very clingy to me in situations that are new. Once she is comfortable with her surroundings and the people she is fine but anything new we have to be careful at the way we present it or she will completely shut it down.  I think part of this comes from her scary nut allergy issue. She won't go play at a friends house unless I were to be there with her. Fair enough, it is a scary thing and will take time to get used to.
Rachael was very interested in tennis as well but refuses to take lessons. It scares her too much as she doesn't know anyone but she also fears disappointment.
She speaks about playing the piano though and will soon start taking lessons with Josh.

Both Josh and Rach are engaged in other activities at school such as learning Mandrin Chinese, a Kitchen and Garden program (where they plant and help grow fruits and veg and then learn to cook different things with them in their kitchen class). They both have a couple weeks of required swimming lessons through the school, art classes, sport classes (Josh's teacher has asked him about joining the Badminton Club that meet at lunch). It really is a great school full of different activities and learning experiences.

Rebecca has bloomed into quite a little diva. She communicates very well and understands exactly what we are saying. She gets easily frustrated and will scream when she is. She is a sweetheart that sure does bring more character to our family. She LOVES shoes, teddy bears, dolls and jewelry.
Just tonight we went out for a family bike ride and as we were preparing our helmets and drink she took initiative and climbed into the bike trailer with her helmet and drink ready to go.
She LOVES to be outdoors and to dance.
Her dairy allergy is still an ongoing process but her health is much better now. Baby steps to improvement and awareness I guess. We will be seeing a specialist  the end of March to determine exactly how bad her allergy is and establish a more permanent nutritional diet.

Aaron is working very hard to support us and does a fantastic job. He stays busy with work and church calling but still finds time to make sure we are all taken care of. He takes Josh to kenpo twice a week and stays to support him. Our children love and adore him and get so excited when daddy comes home from work. He is a good example to us all and keeps us all on track and in line. I am very grateful for him.

 I visit the local markets every Saturday morning and get all the fresh food I need for the week. In order to do this I have to be prepared and organized and have a meal plan for the upcoming week. Each of the kids have a night where they are assigned to cook dinner with me, they all get SO excited to be in the kitchen and help me with this task. Apart of that is helping to plan out the meals in advance, it makes it much more enjoyable for me too just takes much more planning.
Since we started doing this the kids have become more aware of the kitchen, more helpful and understanding with food and the preparation that goes into it. On top of all that they are learning skills in the kitchen that they will have for the rest of their lives.
Just this week I was very ill, sickest i've been since living in Australia. To the point I was fevering and couldn't move off the couch. Joseph at his tender age of 3 took the skills he had learned and made himself some toast putting the butter and jam on himself. He also helped Becca by pouring her a bowl of cheerios and washing some grapes.

Bedtime routine is another organized process.  Because we have such an early morning the kids are obviously tired earlier. After showers/baths and brushing teeth Rebecca and Joseph are our first task while Rachael and Josh work on homework or read to each other. It's obviously much easier if Aaron is home and we can share the load but in cases where he may be out I tuck the younger two in bed first. They are usually so exhausted, easy to put down and in their beds around 7:30. The next hour is so cherished by Josh and Rachael as this is 'their' time. I sit with Rachael first and we chat about her day and anything else she wants to talk about. Tonight we worked on her spelling words and read a book together. She shared her fears about swimming lessons that start next week at school.
After our time I tuck her into bed.  Last but not least is Josh, he looks forward to this time and LOVES to read to me. We first chat about school, about games he's played or something new he learned. Tonight he earned a stripe at kenpo and told me all about it. He read 3 chapters in his book to me and we laughed together at the humor. This time together is so important, especially at his age. He speaks more like a maturing boy and not a child.

In my 9 years of being a mother I have learned how important it is to have a schedule and to be organized. We all run better that way and children especially need some sort of structure. It is really the only way we can make it work and eliminate the 'chaos' associated with being unorganized and scheduled.  The end of last year I was feeling down about how I was mothering and new that I needed a better system and wanted to be more structured. I knew I could be doing more but needed help to get there. Aaron helped me establish a plan to make sure I could find that one on one time with each child and it's made a HUGE difference since doing so. We are all much happier and we are seeing the blessings from the dedication.

Life is busy making sure the needs of a family of 6 are met but I try to enjoy every moment. As they get older it only seems to get busier but my life feels fuller. Its never easy, most days have their breaking points but I really would not change it for the world. Our children bring our lives so much more meaning and watching them grow and learn is priceless.

It is so easy to get caught up in our own lives and drama that we forget the ever moving world and friendships around us. I have been working hard to organize family life and now need to organize and fit in time to connect with friends and family and also do my calling.  It brings such great blessings when I do and helps me to be a better mother because I am learning from others.

If you feel I have forgotten you I haven't, promise. I think of family and friends often actually and need to reach out more.
Thanks to all of you that still message me from time to time. Thank you for all the prayers and support.  Life is wonderful and even more so because of all those who have been apart of ours!

Staying Busy

Time is going by way too quickly. We get excited for upcoming events and then they come and go way too fast.

Last Friday I made a day trip out to Sydney to see whales *More on this later*

Saturday until now has been jam packed for us...

Rachael was invited to a birthday disco party at a hair salon. Food, music, disco lights and they even had their hair and make up done in a crazy fashion. She came home with LOADS of goodie bags.

We ventured around getting a few bits for Josh's upcoming school camp and then took the kids to San Churro.  Churros dipped in warm melted milk chocolate and caramel, Spanish hot chocolate with added hazelnut, a milk chocolate dulche de leche hot chocolate (my personal fav),  white chocolate chip milk shake and a chocolate peanut butter milk shake. We shared around the table and felt so full leaving. It was a nice treat to prepare ourselves for the manic week ahead.

Sunday we had our General Conference broadcasts at the chapel. That evening we drove Aaron to the airport, it was his turn to fly to Sydney but not to see whales, he was working.  He was however fed and put up like a king.

Monday morning Josh left early for his 3 day school camp. It was a whirlwind getting prepared and packed but we did it and he was so excited. It was a bitter sweet feeling saying goodbye as he ventured out onto his first 'away from home' experience.

With me, Becca, Seppe and Rach left behind it felt different but went ever so quickly.
We picked Aaron up Tuesday night from the airport and Josh came home this evening from camp. He had so much to share about camp and said how he wishes he could do it again. Success!!

The kids have still not seen Aaron since Sunday evening as they were asleep when we picked him up from airport and he is gone in the mornings before anyone wakes up. Tonight I sit here typing at 10 pm and he is only just on his way home from the city. It's busy but good and should mellow down next week.

Rebecca is growing, talking and has a very funny personality but is refusing to walk. Ever since she learned how to crawl up and down stairs she has no desire to walk.
As long as she is near me she is content, so while I am cooking in the kitchen this is what she gets up to.

 Joseph is my little buddy growing ever too quickly. He has changed from the toddler to a preschooler. Today we made our own almond milk and blueberry lemonade. He helped shell the almonds and squeeze the lemons. I love that he is so happy to help me.

Hours of reading

Josh is a pretty good reader but has struggled to find a book that he could really loose himself in until now.

He came home from school with one of the "Diary of a Wimpy Kid" books. Within a couple days he had read the entire book.

I surprised him the following day with the complete set.

Two weeks later and hours upon hours of reading he has completed nearly 4 of the 7 books.

I love seeing him quietly sitting reading his books. I never expected that he would get through them so fast. Hopefully we can find another series of books after this one that he will love even more. 

January 2014 in review

January was a HOT month.  Aaron was gone for a week as he went back to Utah for his little sister Beth's wedding. In that week the kids and I experienced Melbourne's longest stretch of such an intense heat wave and with no air conditioning.

We really missed not being able to attend Beth and Tanner's wedding but we were thrilled to have seen all that we could through FaceTime. She looked stunning and so happy.

In our intense week we were well looked after by new near and dear friends. Every day we found new surprises on our doorstep. Things from a box of fruit loops and all we needed to make necklaces, fresh blueberries and books, jello cups, ice cream, movies, popcorn, tub full of blue water and animals, cookie dough... we were even fed a delicious breakfast sunday morning.

In effort to survive the heat with a new baby we watched movies inside and in the early mornings before 9am we would head out to the beach before it got too hot. The children cooled off in cold baths and we slept on the floor in my bedroom where we could cool down using fans and a split system on the wall.

Fires were burning statewide and the sun was a constant red for a a few days.  The day that the cooler breeze was supposed to arrive some dear friends of ours let the kids come over and play with water and on their trampoline. I took a much needed trip to the store where I ran into Andrew Bogut's sister. We randomly started chatting in the baby section, she asked me where I was from and when I said Utah she said "My brother played for a university there..." How cool is that. She was awesome and so much fun to talk to, I got to meet her adorable little boy and hear about their family events coming up. Funny how I am now living in the area where Andrew Bogut grew up. 

One day we took a drive down to the Mornington Peninsula visiting different McDonalds . This particular day players and fans at the Australian Open were passing out from the heat and there were fires all across Victoria.

Aaron was busy busy back in Utah...

We were so excited to welcome him back.

One evening after school we took a nice stroll down to Mordialloc Pier. There were sailboats all along the bay and teenagers jumping off the pier into the waters below. It was an enjoyable evening out.

Oh Josh... I laugh...

Picking Josh up from school and he seemed unhappy. I asked him what was wrong. As he began ranting and raving about all the bad and wrong things of his day I began to roll my eyes at the front of the car. "Here we go again" is what I thought. When he then paused and said "then... someone called me sexy... Yeah a girl named Nadi said I have sexy nipples." 

Bhahaha What??? I couldn't help but start to laugh out loud. Probably not the best move on my part but I never expected to ever hear anything like this. 

After Josh realized that sexy isn't a bad or mean word he was laughing with me. I still chuckle every time I think about it.

Josh is in a swimming program with his grade at school and that is where this would have taken place. If he really didn't like what she said he would have worn a shirt today for swim. 

Taking time

Since this move over I feel as if time has sped up. I have blinked and here we are nearly 8 months later. 

I remember as a child and even a teen feeling as if days would drag on and on. I remember the days feeling like weeks in anticipation for something exciting.

Now as a mother of 4 I feel I never have enough time to plan, prepare and do all the things I desire to do. 

The hardest part has been learning what things are most important and what things are of least importance.  Elder Dallin H. Oaks spoke about this in a general conference talk. He said: "We have to forego some good things in order to choose others that are better or best because they develop faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and strengthen our families." 

I have really had to evaluate my life and decide what those good, better and best things are.  I found myself feeling frustrated with minor things. It became such a daunting task when trying to take 4 kids to the beach bringing along bags of all the necessities for a new baby as well as a large beach umbrella, beach toys and my camera. Was I really getting mad at my kids when sand was thrown in the direction of my beloved camera bag? 

Photography is a passion that I have learned needs to be put on hold. It is one of the good or better things. I was worrying more about the perfect picture to capture behind the lens of my camera and then missing out on the memories I could be making with my young children. This doesn't mean I halt taking any pictures it just means I needed to simplify. My camera phone became the easiest way to capture moments with a very active family. I have nearly 4000 photos that are not high quality or professional in any way but are priceless to me. 

Rebecca is nearly 9 months. She has 5 teeth says mama, dada and is already crawling. She LOVES eating apples and cherries. She loves me and it fills me with joy. She is no longer a baby, we are entering toddler stages and this saddens me. I will truly miss having a baby.

Reflecting on this I am making a better effort to rid those good and better things and focus on the best. To be the best wife I can be by strengthening my marriage and relationship with Aaron. I want to be a more engaged mother, to become my children's best friend. 

We are living in a cruel time and watching the world become more wicked. Our children are exposed to the most horrible things and much sadness. I need to create a home where they feel loved, safe and happy. I need to help teach them how to be a hard worker, how to be respectful and to love those around them while keeping their own standards high. 

I have found a better focus and am happy. It will all take time but I am seeing significant improvements. 

I still find time for myself every day and strive to read and educate myself as well as exercise.  Instead of feeling overwhelmed when all 4 kids are screaming for my attention I am better able to spend an hour tossing a ball with Joseph and am more patient as he is learning to speak more fluently and it takes him 5 minutes to explain something.  More willing to find the energy to help teach Rachael to read when she has a small desire to do so. We spend 30 minutes on homework and then can happily color for another 30 minutes.  When Josh is having a melt down I can recognize he is crying for help. I have learned to talk with him differently, I was denying it before but he is older now and needs to be treated so. He feels much more appreciated when I treat him like an 8 year old instead of a 5 year old. I can actually sit down and enjoy doing homework with him or teaching piano for 30 minutes.  These things I honestly struggled with and still do at times.  These things are nearly a daily occurrence and take heaps of my time. But I love it and wouldn't change it for anything.  Little Rebecca is always there to love me and gets so excited to have my attention. Whenever I am having a hard moment I can always turn to her.

Some have said to me that they are amazed at how i've handled moving over here and that it must have been so hard. Yes, it was hard at times but I believe it would have been much harder if I didn't have my little family with me. I am grateful for them!

Time is a priceless thing. How are we all managing and spending our time?

Nut allergies can be scary

My advice: Educate, prepare and plan yourselves...

When Rachael was very young she came in contact with Pistachio nuts. A simple touch to her lips and her face swelled. We knew there was a problem.

After further skin test we found that she was severely allergic to Pistachio and Cashew nuts. Cashews being even worse for her. With advice to avoid all Tree Nuts and a prescribed Epi Pen in hand I knew it would only be a matter of time before we had an attack. I didn't know what to expect but knew what I needed to do if it were to happen just hoping that it happened when I was present.

We did our best to educate Rachael in screening food from others and such. But it's such a hard process and something you have to ALWAYS be thinking about when eating outside of your own home.

Moving to Australia has proven more difficult. With the high popularity of Asian, Indian, Thai and other oriental foods nuts are used everywhere. We've had some nice dishes ordered in only to then find out that they were cooked with Cashews or Pistachio. Rachael never complains and if anything has become more cautious towards all new foods.

Wednesday afternoon we began eating some banana bread a friend brought over. It was a flour less, sugar less delight. I made the mistake of forgetting to ask if there were nuts. Rachael ate half a slice and not long after stopped saying that her mouth and tummy felt really full and that she ate too much. She then quickly went into another room and brought back her inhalers. I immediately knew something was wrong.

She then began to cry and pointed to her mouth, she opened and I began to panic quietly. I knew exactly what was going on. Everything happened so quickly, I sent a text to Aaron (he was stuck on a train trying to get home), Josh was at a friends house (I was due to pick him up in 30 minutes), Joseph was running around a massive line of his toys streamed across the floor and Rebecca was now crying on the floor. I rushed Rachael into the kitchen where I tried my best to calm her down.

I said a pleading prayer in my heart and asked Rachael to slowly and calmly open her mouth. I gave her some Benadryl and could see her throat quickly closing up. I felt strongly I needed to administer the Epi Pen. I was terrified. I read the label over a few times and prayed again in my heart for guidance and strength. Rachael was scared but had pleading eyes right on me. She was scared, so was I. My heart rate climbed and was racing, I was shaking and sweating all at once.  Here went nothing...

Not even a minute had passed after administering the medicine and Rachael's eyes widened in astonishment. She opened her mouth and the swelling was completely gone. I had no idea that this medicine worked like this, it was miracle medicine. Knowing the protocol and because Rach has never been given an Epi Pen I called (000) equivalent of (911 in the USA). She became very lethargic and pale in the face. The paramedics arrived at the same time my friend arrived. I left with Rachael in the Ambulance and my friend stayed with the others and picked Josh up for me.

Once at the hospital it was busy and completely different from what I was used to in the USA. Because we are foreign and on a work visa they had to take some different protocols. Rachael was feeling very sick and continued to ask for water, a doctor brought her apple juice. One sip and she started throwing up. It was everywhere :(  Because she threw up they had to admit us to monitor her for 4 hours. Throwing up is a sign of anaphylactic shock and they needed to make sure she wasn't going to have another outbreak.  It was a long and tiring afternoon but all went well and we were released at 8:30pm.

I am grateful for modern medicine and to the knowledge we have of allergies and how to prevent and save lives. I am grateful for the promptings Aaron and my friend had to do what they did. Everything fell into place and went as smoothly as I could have asked for. I knew this would happen some day and I am grateful it happened as it did. We are now all better educated, prepared and can hopefully prevent many future encounters from happening.

The next day Aaron took off from work and we planned for Rachael to stay at home from school. When I asked Josh to get ready for school that morning Rachael got upset with me and said "Mom, but why didn't you ask me to get ready for school, I want to go too". She insisted to attend school.  

When we step back and take a bigger look we can learn so much from our children. Rachael is a great example to me in the ability she has to bounce back. She has incredible resilience and hasn't let this experience stop her. 

I feel incredibly loved, blessed and very grateful!

Dropping Josh and Rach off at school the next morning

 Afternoon break and lunch at Costco

Quick stop at the temple to partake of it's beauty.

The colors were so vibrant!

My Heart Breaks

14 March 2014

I knew that the easiness of the last two days wouldn't last forever I just didn't expect what happened today.  Instead of open arms running towards me with smiling faces I saw a boy with a heavy heart, slumped head and shoulders with tears rolling down his face.

My heart breaks at times for Josh and all he experiences. When we got home Josh continued to cry for another 30 minutes, he struggled to express his feelings. He went to his iPod and typed a short paragraph of the way he was feeling and gave it to me to read. This is exactly what I saw:

After a long evening of homework and then dinner we had some one on one time and he opened up with me like he never has before.  He told me all about what happens at school and inside my heart was breaking but outside I had to put on a brave face. Kids pushing him down, taking his hat and throwing it in the opposite direction over and over. Name calling, teasing, swearing (he told me about some of the things the kids say and things they talk about, I can't believe it's already happening this young).

I realized that along with the feeling of 'not fitting in' he is dealing with new worldly issues that he otherwise never had to back home.  Things that Josh knows and feels are not right and he is learning how to deal with it. Boys talking about video games, movies that have naked women, taking the Lords name in vain and much much more. These boys are seeing Josh a different way and teasing him for it. He is intelligent, a deep thinker, not afraid to ask questions and much more emotionally in tune with his feelings. He communicates at a much more mature level and sometimes it irritates the other boys, we've seen this happen a couple times.

Today it all started with a girl (same girl that has been teasing him since school started) she pushed him down to the ground twice. Then a boy he thought was his friend is swearing at him, telling him he never wants to play with him again and he gets annoyed by him. Another boy begins teasing Josh saying he is in love with a certain girl and begins a chant in the classroom that the teachers don't do anything about. He then begins crying at his desk and they only feed into that even more.

My poor boy, how do I help him? We talked about his feelings for an hour and he kept opening up about more things. He said how he feels the teachers don't care as they don't ever do anything to intervene. We started writing a letter to his teacher together but he expressed his concern that he wasn't sure anything would change.

Our conversation turned in another direction and we began speaking about the gospel. About satan and his plan to bring Josh down. This is exactly what he wants when he is focusing on the negative. Josh asked "why is Satan attacking me and not Rachael? She is doing so well in school and has so many friends" I waited a minute before responding and he said "it's because I have been baptized isn't it." Our conversation continued on for another hour, it was such a deep and heart felt hour. We were able to connect and open up in ways we never had before. Josh shared feelings that he otherwise has been afraid to and we were finally understanding each other. It was beautiful.

At the end of the night he said over and over the words "I love you so much mom and have enjoyed talking to you tonight so much, let's do it again sometime." These words have stuck with me for the past few weeks. As we have continued on we have seen some incredible improvements in our home and with Josh. There are still some hard days but he is 'bouncing back' (as he would call it).  He is taking a religion class at school and they have been talking a alot about resilience. Every day that has been tough Josh says "I am going to be resilient and bounce back from the toughness and hardness of today". It makes me happy and I rejoice that he is seeing the bigger picture and is becoming stronger.

Tender Mercies

Yesterday morning was going well, until the drive to school... Rachael asked Josh to help her with her site words. She was struggling a little and within 2 minutes Josh was getting angry and frustrated. Just like a flick of a switch the mood changed. I was pleading for strength to help me stay calm, focused and to speak to the children in the correct manner. Before we arrived at school I was told to shut up and was already the meanest person in the world. The bell rang as I was walking them up the the school, Josh said to me "sometimes I really wish I had a different mom". I turned to him, said "I love you and hope you can have a good day". That was it, he was off and I was feeling hurt.

I took my time driving home, I was very hurt and upset. Once home I found Josh's school diary on the table. I contemplated; do I take it to him or let him learn the hard way. I wanted to show love and compassion but also want him to learn more independance. I decided not to take it to him and instead cleaned the house to keep my mind off it. Thankfully I had a pre arranged lunch with some friends that helped to cheer me up.

On my way to pick Josh and Rach up from school I was preparing for the worst. I am sure that his feelings were only festering and becoming more hostile towards me when he realized his diary was not in his bag. Because we all know, it's my fault right?!

I waited on the sidewalk beside the car watching for them to come out of the school and ready for the attack. To my surprise I saw a happy, energetic boy running at me with his arms wide open. Josh wrapped his arms tightly around me and offered the most sincere apology about that morning. I was in shock, did this just really happen? He was so upbeat and in such a great mood. The entire evening was a joy for everyone. Josh was so willing to help and be helped without complaint. He unloaded the car and carried Rachael's backpack for her, he helped clean up, spoke with kind tones and tried to calm Rebecca when she was crying.  Numerous time throughout the evening he was giving me big hugs and kisses expressing his love for me.
This was a tender mercy moment that the Lord knew I needed. 

Today I had another tender mercy. As I picked the kids up from school I was greeted with two lovely smiles, hellos and I love you mom. Josh first exclaimed "Mom, I am really starting to like school, I am learning so much". He also said "I chose to pass my free computer time at recess and instead go play with Rachael on the playground, I had so much fun".  I am not only happy that he is enjoying school now but he is making new friends, greeting and saying hello to those friends in my presence and then also taking good care of and looking out for his litter sister.  I love that he chose to play with her for the hour lunch break instead of playing the computer. Such joy fills my heart.

My evening finished up at the Melbourne Temple. It has been a wonderful couple of days and my heart is full!

Rough Days Ahead

Today was a HARD day!
I am feeling burned out, emotionally and physically drained.

Two kids in full time school now and our mornings feel insane as we rush around trying to get out the door with everything done and what they need for the day. 
The days at home are a lot quieter now, Joseph finds himself lonely and bored without his older siblings at home. We talk A LOT about everything. 

Potty training is rough, I hate it! It is much harder this time around. We were making progress but then everything turned upside down. Here we go again. What happened to my motivation? My energy? 
I sit down to feed Rebecca as he decides to go hide and poo on the floor. Im angry, raging inside and want to yell out, it takes everything inside of me to keep calm. We talk about it and keep talking about it all day focusing on how we can be better and what I can do to help him not to be scared.

I get so distracted with having a baby at home I honestly sometimes forget that I am potty training and then I have a big mess to clean up because he has had an accident somewhere. I literally lie down for a few minutes after clearing up the mess and unintentinally fall asleep for 5-10 minutes because I am so drained. 

We pick Josh and Rachael up from school and they are happy. Rachael is beaming, she's had a fantastic day and is telling me all about it. She is full of energy and radiating.
Josh is smiling and doesn't have much to say as usual.

We get home and it begins. Rachael is as sweet as ever unloading her backpack, starting homework and changing out of her uniform. Josh has no desire to do anything. Im constantly asking him to do his reading, change his clothes, pick up his clothes up off the floor, unload his backpack, practice piano.... Nothing happens, it's like I'm non existent. 
Finally Josh decides to go to the piano. He starts lessons again this Thursday and he has a test to see where he will be placed. As he sat down at the piano he broke down as he realized he had forgotten how to play Star Wars. We opened the book and he struggled terribly to play the first line?
He broke down. It wasn't pretty.  I tried to reassure him that through practice he will get it back. 

We talked and talked but he was beyond talking out of anything. It was terrible, he was so angry at himself and the world around him. We heard things like: "I hate myself, I am so dumb and stupid, I am so mad that we moved to Australia, my life has been ruined because we moved here, people at school think I am dumb and I am, I am so short and get made fun of it..." The entire night was like this. It's exhausting to hear and breaks our heart. Nothing we say or do has seemed to help get him out of this state. 

There were so many events from tonight that had everyones emotions in every direction. I think at one point or another everyone was extremely mad and angry, crying and then laughing.
I was at one point the worst mom ever, hated and the meanest person in the world. But yet the next hour I am supposedly the best and loved.

I struggle to deal with my own emotions, how in the world am I supposed to help my 8 year old understand and deal with his own? It's a terrible feeling and so draining. I am struggling with it so badly and it has pushed me beyond limits I even knew I had.

Aaron is reading a book with me this month called "How to talk so kids will listen & Listen so kids will talk". It is incredible, yet everything I feel I have currently been doing is so wrong. Have I created this unhappy emotional child? Is it because he doesn't know how to recognize and deal with his own emotions?

The hardest part is trying to actually use the techniques we are learning when things get this bad. Everything feel so out of control and my blood starts boiling. I want to go crazy at him. 
I have watched Aaron as he has taken advice from the book and used it with Josh in many ways. I've seen how Josh has literally switched from evil devil child to the sweetest most caring and loving 8 year old i've ever known. How does this even happen? I think I loose my patients with them easier as I am dealing with it 24/7

Whatever the solution or whatever needs to happen I still do not know. All I know tonight is that I am going to bed with a slightly broken heart. I have been humbled by my imperfections once again. We must push forward and begin another day tomorrow. I pray I will have the strength to be better and rise to the challenge before me. I pray that I can help raise happy children with courage and strength in these last days. 

Regardless of how horrible tonight ended up I still love these kids more than anything. They really do bring me joy. Josh has such incredible potential and is absolutely loving and so caring to his sisters. He and Joseph don't get a long so well at the moment but the love he has for Rachael and Rebecca is beautiful. He is so protective of his little sisters and looking out for their well being.

These pictures just warm my heart and bring me a little peace of hope and joy for tonight. 
Tomorrow is another day, I will rise up and begin again!

Josh

** I wrote this post a week ago, a lot has happened since but I still wanted to post what I had previously written. Josh has since then been made fun of at school from a few mean kids but he handled the situation really well. We had one really bad day where things were really upsetting him but spending a day home and having an evening out with Aaron he was pumped and ready for school the next day. He had a great end to the school year with a 10 hour camping day at school and then a half day on friday. He came home with loads of Christmas cards and little gifts. Here's to our summer holiday! **

This picture was taken on his first day of school 

We were most worried about how Josh would take this move but he is doing surprisingly well. We all have our good and bad moments but so far he's thriving.

Josh really enjoys school and has made some good friends. He comes home telling me how the kids keep saying they love his accent.

He is learning more about the australian language and is telling me new words and what they mean every day. He is also learning a bit of Chinese and is really enjoying school.

There are only 5 days left of school here and then Josh will be finished with 2nd grade. Essentially school ended last week and all this week and next is pretty much play time at school. They watch movies, make crafts and do a load of fun things in preparation for Christmas and the new school year.

He said the other day they all had different tasks to help clean the room, he chose to scrub all the walls. When I asked why he chose that one he said "because I thought it sounded like fun" ha!

One day this week he brought home some Christmas cards. Four girls in his class wrote out lovely Christmas cards to him. The next day he came home with loads more including gifts.

When I checked him out of school early on Friday he asked me if I saw this 'certain' girl in his class, her name is Jazzy and he thinks she's cute :)  She gave him a card and 4 gifts today. He's loving all the attention…  We are going to put together little gifts and cards for him to take to school on Monday. How adorable!

A few weeks ago they went on a excursion (what we would call a field trip). They traveled a total of 3 hours that day. They went to a Strawberry farm and learned how to grow and pick strawberries. They also learned a few things about being healthy and taking care of our bodies including a series of exercises and relays. He came home with his own container of strawberries he got to pick.

People seem to be a lot more health conscious over here, especially when it comes to eating healthy food. At school they have a morning snack, afternoon snack and lunch. All children are requested to have their own bottle of water at their desks and then two healthy snacks in addition to their lunch. Josh takes apples, carrots and pretzels for his snacks and really loves it. I think it helps him to focus more by eating smaller amounts more frequently. They don't eat their main lunch until 1:30, and that only consists of his sandwich and some crisps or cookie.

I am very proud of Josh and his transition. He misses his good friends back home and the luxury of riding a bus to school with is pals but he's not complaining much.
He and Rachael have become really good friends in this short time and do a good job looking out for one another. 

It's such a strange feeling to think that they will both be in school full time in just over a month. Makes me sad thinking about Rachael growing up but I am excited for her, she's so anxious and wishes she could go now.
It's so crazy to think that Josh will start 3rd grade in January. He pretty much just passed up 2nd grade. 

This picture taken the day of his 10 hour camping excursion and the day before his last day of school.

Friday the 13th

We were told we had to vacate the house  today for at least 4 hours while the exterminators came to get rid of all the big hairy 8 legged deadly creatures in our house. 

Well what do you do when you have to leave the only place you know, with 4 kids, a nursing baby and a potty training toddler? Yikes!!!

I packed a lunch and checked josh out of school early to come with us so that wherever we ended up I didn't have to worry about picking him up from school. It takes a good amount of time to get around to different places here so I wouldn't get too far before having to turn around and come back.

We went to our first park where we had lunch. It was humid overcast and nice. After some time Rachael was bursting for the toilet and Joseph had an accident. I had packed numerous spare clothes and a portable toilet just for this.

We drove on Beach Road for awhile which follows the beach line of the bay. From there we went to Cheltnam to the school uniform shop. Rachael has been so anxious to get her school uniforms and right now they are on sale. A couple hundred dollars later we came out with a dress, skort, shirt, hat, school bag and jacket. Now we just wait until the end of January:) 

We found another park just down the road and spent some time there. The sun came out for a bit and the flies were crazy. The flies are so annoying, they won't leave you just by swatting them away, they keep pestering. They also stick to you! I was passing a lady running the other day who had a ton of flies stuck to the front and back of her. She must be used to them by now I guess.

I didn't help the Joseph pooped his pants either, they loved that... So we left that park after a poop clean up, those pants went straight into the trash...

We drove not too much further to the Parkdale train station where we were meeting Aaron. It took me 20 minutes to unload everyone from the car. Joseph and Rachael went into the stroller because they were asleep, Rebecca into my baby carrier and then Josh helped me get my bag and jackets. The weather had changed and was getting cooler.

We met Aaron as he got off the train and we walked to the local fish and chip shop for dinner. It was then that josh realized he had left his jacket at the last park we were at. Seriously?

We made another stop by that park, then went to Braeside park where we finished off the day with our dinner and some fun. By this time I was wishing I had my jacket, the temps dropped and there was a chilly wind. Crazy weather!

All this happening while I am desprate to pee, yes, and where in the world am I supposed to go dragging 4 kids with me. Uh!! I held it desperately for 4 hours. Oh the life of a mom... 

All in all a crazy wild day but glad to have all the deadly furry 8 legged creatures out of the house. Worth a piece of mind, I won't be freaked out walking around the house anymore.

It was more difficult today as I didn't have anywhere else to go. I have made some friends but everyone is at work and don't have young children. All in good time I guess...

Ready to finish off the day with some yummy chocolate and movie:) I am exhausted.